I want to briefly write on initial pursuit. This will be a bit of recap from the message last Thursday.
It can get pretty murky navigating through the world of romantic relationships. Here are some pointers to help you start dating in the right way. This is important, too.You don’t want to just take stabs in the dark and bounce from person to person because they are attractive. You don’t sit back and pick five people and start making stabs in the dark.
Unfortunately, I’ve watched guys become interested in like six girls at one time and then proceed to blow them up in text, and facebook messaging. All the while he’s hoping that he’ll get lucky and snag one. It’s like fishing…he’s just casting his line hoping someone will bite. That’s lame. He does that because he lacks confidence. Ask God to give you clarity on what is important to you and be rational in where you are at in your life.
My wife inspired this point. Chemistry is something you definitely want to have with the person you date. Chemistry is when the substance (what you value) of who you are interacts with someone else. You have certain properties and innate qualities that are building blocks which form your personality and world view. A change can potentially take place when you encounter someone who has a similar substance. There is an attraction that develops. A couple things about relational chemistry:
- Chemistry is instinctual – it’s instinctive set of values that you both ascribe to that make it easy to relate and have fun together. What do you hold in high regard? What do you appreciate? What is important to you?
- Chemistry can be perceived – How do you spot chemistry? Energy, life, giddiness. When I started to develop feelings for Tracy anyone who was around could tell there was a sudden explosion of energy and life. It was so natural to communicate with her. I just got down right giddy being around her. I still feel that way today.
- Chemistry is not everything – The world has said that chemistry is everything in that whatever you feel is what you should do. WRONG. You have to apply some logicality to how you are feeling about that person. This brings me to my next point…
We must employ logic to initial romantic pursuit! Is this feasible? Your mind has to kick in and ask questions. You have to use some rationality. How is the TIMING? Is this the right time to ask her, guys? Girls, should you say yes right now? When we approach romantic relationships there has to be the right timing and the right person.
Some people are not in a financial position to date…
“Well, I like them and we want to date! (me) Well, you have no job, no car, no money, etc. You’re not in a position to be dating right now. You need to get some things in order in your life. What season of life is the person you’re interested in walking through right now? Did they just get out of a long-term relationship?Are they recently walking in lordship? Are they new to the church? Would it be wise for them to start a relationship right now?
Notice how these questions center around them and not you. True love is putting others in front of yourself. Not if my ready or do I want this to happen. You should already figure that out yourself. You need to respect the season that they’re in and wait until it’s the right time.
Perception – how you perceive things will greatly impact who you date and eventually marry. How you perceive yourself. How you look, dress, how you carry yourself, what type of confidence you have. Some guys perceive themselves to be the man and they’re not. They perceive themselves with having a chance with any young lady and they don’t. They just think it’s a matter of going and asking her out. Another thing about perception is being able to perceive when someone likes you or doesn’t like you.
Honestly, why would you ever want to go out with someone that doesn’t like you? You’ve never talk to them, they don’t know who you are, and you come out of nowhere and want to go spend 3 to 4 hours with them in a big awkward debacle.When a girl runs from a guy any time he talks to her it should tell him that she’s not interested. Now for the girls, if you haven’t been asked out in a long time then maybe you have not made yourself available to the right type of people. You may need to break into some different circles. You can’t stay in isolation. Mix things up and become more social. Girls, make sure you’re having fun. Enjoy life! Laugh!
I’m Harold Dorrell Briscoe. Thanks for reading.